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Mostly a reminder for the next time I can't remember the name of this hilarious video.
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Note to self: Funny comedian Brad Stine.
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Okay, so like I said, I needed to create a bit, so I just wrote this on a whim. I have no idea where this came from or what the hell is wrong with me, but here it is, the tale of man who flies in his sleep and his grand idea. Written in the form of a messed up fairy tale or child's story. Or whatever.

Sky Sleep )

Because

Aug. 1st, 2008 04:31 pm
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Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
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Every so often, I go back and read through the archives of Penny Arcade strips. I have to say that my favorite ones are often the ones involving wordplay and the like, and I chanced upon one of my particular favorites (among many), and couldn't help but to share it with you all.
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A slight sheen of moisture,
beading in the hot sun;
like a light dew of perspiration,
seeping from every nook,
misting from every pore.
A merciless light in the sky,
beating down unceasingly,
calling forth, blazing ever on.
He sweats. A lot.
How he hates the summer!
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This video is just too funny not to share.
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One of those fat pill commercials just came on tv. You know the kind, with computerized bodies shrinking and whatnot. So I hear them saying that their pill removes body fat. What I want to see is a commercial for pills that move body fat. Not remove, just move. I'd love to see the computer simulation for that one. I don't even know where in the body the fat would move to, but it makes for intriguing mental imagery. And the personal testimonials would be so very awesome.
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"Save me!" he sobs as the bunny nuzzles his arm.

Slowly, so slowly, he inches his hand toward his sword.

As she watches, the slime devours her friend, then turns...

With a triumphant rallying call, they charge into the darkness.

Falling upon his swift blade, the creature looks briefly shocked.

Calling upon the might of Thor, Tretten grabs his hammer.

Calling upon the might of kittens, George dies quite swiftly.

Not knowing what to say, the man simply stares, horrified.


I don't think I have exactly enough of what might work thus far, but it occurs to me that one could cobble together quite a few interesting stories centered around these various 10 word stories I find myself enjoying. I think that once I make a few more, at least, I could attempt to puzzle some of 'em together. At the very least it could be like a really bizarre mad libs.
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A gate of liquid light, sending travelers across the stars.

"If I eat a tree," he said, "will you, too?"

The purple man draped himself over her car in protest.

Feeling frisky, he tied her boot strings to a leopard.

The green hills called to him, but his phone died.

Cursing his luck, he scrambles up the wall of organs.

Feeling rather drowsy, she closes her eyes in sweet repose.

"But if it melts," he mumbled, "how will I cheat?"

A hundred words bubbled up, only to be quashed again.

Her pen filling with jello, she dotted her last i.

Sleeping fitfully, the cat did not notice the house exploding.

Drippingly, muckfully oozes the rancid milk slowly over the brim.
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"Posting too much, you say?" he asked inquiringly, "Why, yes."

Potions for sale. Will cost only your health to acquire.

"This troll's blood is delicious!" he exclaimed, "but needs salt."

One day, Pinocchio became a real boy, starving them both.

Then they all burst into song, ignoring the oncoming traffic.

"Woe!" he cried, "my dog is dead, but not I!"

For whom tolls the bell? I think it's that guy.

In that instant, all was still, and all calm again.

Shining down, the sun glaring, hitting his eyes, he tripped.

How the hell did a spider have a sword?! Magic!

It was not I! I ate only one child today!

Writhing in agony, cursing the drink...but mostly the concussion.

In splendid colors flowers bloom, my allergies aflame with joy...

He spent his nights alone, killing spiders for the silk.

His soul shattered, adrift on the wind, see him weep.

Soul stone long gone, he flees like a little girl.

His oiled beard glistens in the wind, distracting from baldness.

"Preposterous," he huffs, "there's no such thing as a dragon!"
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Note, these are going to be a hodge podge of topics, subjects and the like.

"I've got nothing," he dejectedly sighed. "Where are my kudos?" (Alternatively, "Where my bitches at?", "Where are my pants?", or "Where are my nipples?")

"Lana? I have a secret, but I can't tell you."

Murlocs ate your family? Do you want the undigested remains?

What do you mean, "out of mana"?! I'm dying here!

No, I will not, "giv u teh golds"; shut up.

I'd be a fool not to buy Rogue insurance! Wait...

Mostly free portal to Ironforge! Probability of splinching relatively small!

Clark is Superman on Smallville? Duh! He doesn't wear glasses!

I could really go for some pudding. What? Out?! Noooo!
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This thought just popped into my head after reading one of those silly, "X doesn't kill people, people kill people," phrases: Guns don't kill people, the massive blood loss does. Or, Guns don't kill people, the bullets do. I would do more, but my funny's all out of juice. Maybe later.
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But what if you're a lumberjack and you're not okay?

Heh

Feb. 9th, 2008 10:34 am
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It suddenly occurred to me that the best response to the question "what are you wearing?", aside from the obvious, "nothing at all, why do you ask?" (reserved for when people can't see you, obviously), has got to be, "What aren't I wearing." Best said with a quirk of the eyebrow, even if they can't see you. Well, it's the currently the best, until I get a better idea. I suppose it's always amusing to answer questions with completely random answers. "I am wearing a halibut, thank you" might be funny too, but that could quickly degrade into some rather dirty jokes regarding placement of said halibut, so that one's best left alone. How does one even respond should someone answer with, "I'm wearing a ten-ton whale at the moment. It's rather heavy."? I'm not sure why I keep answering with aquatic animals as clothing choices.

The, "I'm wearing your MOM!" works well for the burn, I would think, but there are always more creative and better ways than that. I think "saran wrap, duct tape, and flan" would be delightfully confusing. Imagine someone getting that answer and seeing their face as they try to figure out if they really want to ask a follow-up question or not. Priceless. Of course, knowing my friends, they'd think it was stupid and ask what flan is. Still...
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I found this video called Adventure Time before, but couldn't remember what it was called. I am now archiving, as it's taken me a long while to find it again.
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From an xkcd comment:

Fun game: try to post a YouTube comment so stupid that people realize you must be joking. (Hint: this is impossible)

Heh

Oct. 15th, 2007 09:18 am
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[An] old preacher received a letter with no sender or return address
on the envelope. When he opened it, he saw a single piece of
paper with only one word: “Fool!” He took it to the pulpit the next
Sunday, and said: “I received an unusual letter this week. Never
before have I received a letter where the writer signed his name,
but forgot to write anything else.”

Heh

Aug. 13th, 2007 11:14 pm
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Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

- Mark Twain
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