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I have thought about it, and I think I should speak on that subject which hardly anyone (particularly in christian circles) ever talks about, or even wants to talk about; that which makes us all squirm a little: porn. It is a pestilence which, sadly, most of us have contracted. I have met but one man my entire life who has never struggled with the allure of porn. I can name but a handful or two more who have completely put it behind them. I cannot speak of the condition of women, but we men are hard beset by it.
Other than sex addicts, most of what I say applies only to fellow christians, since we are mainly the only ones who try not to indulge in it. And struggle we do. I once, in college, went an entire year without masturbating, and have never again been able to even approach replicating the feat. Some don't see a problem with masturbation, and perhaps if it were entirely disconnected from porn it might be ok, but it is not; indeed it is intricately linked with all manner of sexual thought, to the extent that I do not believe they can ever be truly split. I look at porn, I masturbate. I want to masturbate, I usually look for something to arouse me.
I still vividly recall my college Young Life leader telling our guys group that porn is false intimacy. Many times now I have thought on how true that is. A lot of us medicate with porn, be it by image, photo, drawing, movie, or game. Loneliness and boredom are a nasty combination, and porn offers the idea of the perfect man/woman who is always there, always willing, doesn't judge, and doesn't require anything. How many of us long for that perfect someone who accepts us for us? And she is never not in the mood, never intrusive, never questioning. Pity it turns out to be so hollow.
But hollow it very much is. God made us to work a specific way. He said that it was not good for a man to be alone, made a woman, and together they are to become one flesh. It is to be a mirror of Christ and his church. Porn, at best, is uniting a man to himself in sinful gratification; at worst it is idolatry and adultery both. It is placing the idea of sexual pleasure above all else, as the utmost in importance. Porn allows us to commit adultery on scale that defies belief.
And that's not even addressing the physical, emotional, mental, and relational fallout. Is there honestly anyone who catches their loved one with porn and doesn't feel anger, grief, and hurt? It feels like betrayal, and it is. They are saying, in brief, that when compared with yourself, you are the one lacking. Porn destroys relationships, creates unrealistic and unhealthy expectations, and usually treats women as merely an object to get off to. I've seen a handful of animé (hentai) that treat women as equally important, but I don't think I've ever seen the like in our stuff. It's always some scary meathead with a disturbingly thick neck and red face being serviced by the woman or women, as if she's some willing slave. When he does bother to do anything, it's usually really aggressive and demeaning.
Watching such things also effect how we view the world. How many guys I have spoken with who, because they watch so much porn, see it everywhere they go, mentally undressing and screwing every pretty girl they see, whether they want to or not. That episode of Friends where Joe and Chandler get free porn is actually fairly accurate. That hot banker wants you, that pizza delivery girl is totally asking for it, that lady on the street wants you to bend her over...Bleck. I tend to notice faces more than anything, but if I have been lately sinning with porn frequently, I start to mentally x-ray before I can catch myself. Lust begets lust.
I don't want to treat women like objects, and I neither want them to be so treated, nor to offer themselves up as objects. Sometimes, in those rare moments of sanity when I am trawling the net for naked women to ogle (assuming I'm looking at a real one and not animated), look at all these absolutely lovely, stunningly beautiful women baring themselves for everyone to see and masturbate to, and want to cry. These things should be private, between a husband and wife only. A wife's body should be a special gift for her husband, and vice-versa. On the surface, I am aroused, but inwardly I desperately long to tell them that they are worth more than that. If I see you naked, I want it to be just for me, and I want all of you: mind, heart, soul, and body.
The reason porn is hollow is that it is one-sided. There is no give, no love, no true interaction between equals, just take, take, take. You are here to pleasure me; who cares about you. Porn in the male community is like heroin or meth. Every hit is poison, and even as we indulge we know that it is toxic. Some don't care at all, some a little, and some of us try our best to get healthy.
I know there's more rattling around up there, but that's all I can think of at present. I welcome any questions or thoughts on the matter. Better to be an open book with no secrets. Sin abhors the light, after all.
Other than sex addicts, most of what I say applies only to fellow christians, since we are mainly the only ones who try not to indulge in it. And struggle we do. I once, in college, went an entire year without masturbating, and have never again been able to even approach replicating the feat. Some don't see a problem with masturbation, and perhaps if it were entirely disconnected from porn it might be ok, but it is not; indeed it is intricately linked with all manner of sexual thought, to the extent that I do not believe they can ever be truly split. I look at porn, I masturbate. I want to masturbate, I usually look for something to arouse me.
I still vividly recall my college Young Life leader telling our guys group that porn is false intimacy. Many times now I have thought on how true that is. A lot of us medicate with porn, be it by image, photo, drawing, movie, or game. Loneliness and boredom are a nasty combination, and porn offers the idea of the perfect man/woman who is always there, always willing, doesn't judge, and doesn't require anything. How many of us long for that perfect someone who accepts us for us? And she is never not in the mood, never intrusive, never questioning. Pity it turns out to be so hollow.
But hollow it very much is. God made us to work a specific way. He said that it was not good for a man to be alone, made a woman, and together they are to become one flesh. It is to be a mirror of Christ and his church. Porn, at best, is uniting a man to himself in sinful gratification; at worst it is idolatry and adultery both. It is placing the idea of sexual pleasure above all else, as the utmost in importance. Porn allows us to commit adultery on scale that defies belief.
And that's not even addressing the physical, emotional, mental, and relational fallout. Is there honestly anyone who catches their loved one with porn and doesn't feel anger, grief, and hurt? It feels like betrayal, and it is. They are saying, in brief, that when compared with yourself, you are the one lacking. Porn destroys relationships, creates unrealistic and unhealthy expectations, and usually treats women as merely an object to get off to. I've seen a handful of animé (hentai) that treat women as equally important, but I don't think I've ever seen the like in our stuff. It's always some scary meathead with a disturbingly thick neck and red face being serviced by the woman or women, as if she's some willing slave. When he does bother to do anything, it's usually really aggressive and demeaning.
Watching such things also effect how we view the world. How many guys I have spoken with who, because they watch so much porn, see it everywhere they go, mentally undressing and screwing every pretty girl they see, whether they want to or not. That episode of Friends where Joe and Chandler get free porn is actually fairly accurate. That hot banker wants you, that pizza delivery girl is totally asking for it, that lady on the street wants you to bend her over...Bleck. I tend to notice faces more than anything, but if I have been lately sinning with porn frequently, I start to mentally x-ray before I can catch myself. Lust begets lust.
I don't want to treat women like objects, and I neither want them to be so treated, nor to offer themselves up as objects. Sometimes, in those rare moments of sanity when I am trawling the net for naked women to ogle (assuming I'm looking at a real one and not animated), look at all these absolutely lovely, stunningly beautiful women baring themselves for everyone to see and masturbate to, and want to cry. These things should be private, between a husband and wife only. A wife's body should be a special gift for her husband, and vice-versa. On the surface, I am aroused, but inwardly I desperately long to tell them that they are worth more than that. If I see you naked, I want it to be just for me, and I want all of you: mind, heart, soul, and body.
The reason porn is hollow is that it is one-sided. There is no give, no love, no true interaction between equals, just take, take, take. You are here to pleasure me; who cares about you. Porn in the male community is like heroin or meth. Every hit is poison, and even as we indulge we know that it is toxic. Some don't care at all, some a little, and some of us try our best to get healthy.
I know there's more rattling around up there, but that's all I can think of at present. I welcome any questions or thoughts on the matter. Better to be an open book with no secrets. Sin abhors the light, after all.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-27 05:43 am (UTC)From:There's some verses in Corinthians that talk about sex. It says it's better to be alone but if it's something you can't control, then it'd be best to get married. But finding that person is the other thing... Hah. I finally started praying last night to find someone (so that's why I'm just like "WHOA!" to this entry). Then again, it's like I don't want anyone. I don't know what to feel. I feel like I'm just too boring or odd to really have anyone.
..... I don't know what I'm saying anymore. lol.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-27 09:15 am (UTC)From:Aren't boring and odd at odds with each other? :P Seriously though, I totally understand. Being a christian geek myself, it's like being a sub-culture of a sub-culture and it's often frustratingly difficult to find others of similar bent. You, being a girl, actually have better odds than I do, so don't fret. I have yet to meet anyone that doesn't turn out to have their own little peculiarities and such. My advice is much the same that I would give myself: don't be afraid to own who you are, and if something is bad, work on it.
Don't think of it either as you being inadequate, but like a unique lock looking for the right key. Maybe what you consider to be boring about yourself someone else might find to be a refreshing stability, your "oddity" to be interesting.
One of the reasons I wrote this thing in the first place is the freedom that comes with being open, honest, and owning every part of one's self, including the sinful and broken parts that need work. No one can hold me emotionally hostage, and I'm never going to thrown anyone an emotional bomb out of left field, because I am an open book.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-27 06:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2017-02-27 06:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2017-02-27 07:10 pm (UTC)From:Also, when you do find a nice christian guy, don't be afraid to be straight forward. We men tend not to get hints, subtle or otherwise... "I like you, wanna get coffee?" can do wonders. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2017-02-27 10:15 pm (UTC)From:I've thought of eharmony, but finances are tight right now. I figured that actually investing into a site then using free ones would help me a bunch.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-28 01:16 am (UTC)From:I know when I have difficulties leaving the house (other than knowing I need to up my anti-anxiety meds) that it helps to have something scheduled. When I'm supposed to be somewhere, it's a lot easier to get up and go.
eHarmony wouldn't even let me pay. They just politely told me I was, basically, unclassifiable. It felt SUPER great, let me tell you... I'm a statistical outlier, yay...
I too read my bible every night, before I go to bed, though I'm currently in a kind of randomized reading pattern at the moment. I'll read a chapter or two of Exodus, switch over to Genesis, maybe read a Psalm or two, jump over to Paul... I'll probably be reading in Revelation tonight though, as I went to class today that spoke about it some and, since it's my favorite and I know it backwards and forwards, I intend to double-check everything they said against what I'm fairly certain of.