On of my most painful moments was actually in a dream; that teaching dream I mentioned. There was this girl that I liked, and the dream was about how happy she and I could be together. Like, we had these moments where we were just so happy. And then we were in the church about to get married, and I had this sudden thought of, "oh, I forgot to ask God about this." So I did, and his answer was no. In this dream, I had to tell her, right at the alter, that I couldn't marry her. That was a heartache so deep, I have to say, and it really stuck with me. Naturally, it also had the consequence of me actually liking that girl more, seeing how happy we'd made each other. Like salt in the wound, that was.
The part that always annoys me, as a side effect of the whole thing, is how difficult it is to talk to anyone else about my frustrations, even the daily ones. It takes a long time to explain my situation, and even if they happen to believe me, they still don't always take it very seriously. From the outside it appears like I'm just pining over this or that girl and I need to just man up and go for it, which is the exact opposite of helpful in my case. I can't tell you how many people or christian advice blogs I've read have all had great advice...for most everyone else, but would actually be harmful for me. My problem has never been difficulty in pursuing girls, it's that I'm not supposed to, even when I really want to. Blarg.
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Date: 2016-11-09 07:21 am (UTC)From:The part that always annoys me, as a side effect of the whole thing, is how difficult it is to talk to anyone else about my frustrations, even the daily ones. It takes a long time to explain my situation, and even if they happen to believe me, they still don't always take it very seriously. From the outside it appears like I'm just pining over this or that girl and I need to just man up and go for it, which is the exact opposite of helpful in my case. I can't tell you how many people or christian advice blogs I've read have all had great advice...for most everyone else, but would actually be harmful for me. My problem has never been difficulty in pursuing girls, it's that I'm not supposed to, even when I really want to. Blarg.