(no subject)

It's so funny how hard it can be at times to believe what we already know to be true. I wonder why I'm so often this way with God. How many times have I gone through things and had him come through? Granted, he rarely comes through the way I expect or even like, but he does. If I distrusted anyone else the way I do with him, they would give me no small amount of grief, if not leave me altogether. It's weird how, whenever I question God I usually already know the answer, but still don't believe it or him.

I think that it might be due to how ephemeral he appears to be. He so rarely speaks directly or specifically to a given situation. And while he has made me one or two promises that I believe he will fulfill, they all seem far off, without any specific time to cling to. We're not guaranteed anything else either. I know he doesn't mean for me to die yet, for instance, since some off the things he promised me are at least a few years off, but he never said I'd get there smoothly or easily. I think about that sometimes, when bad things happen. My first reaction is like, well, I'm not going to die yet, but it doesn't mean it couldn't lay me out for a while.