Calling all betas, oh and readers too.

So I'm writing this relatively short story for creative writing and I rather need some ideas/help on it. It's mostly just needing a bit of nit picking, but any glaring errors pointed out would be helpful to. If anyone feels like giving any suggestions or nits, feel free to just leave a comment, or even email me if it's really terribly bad. And if anyone just wants to read it and have a good laugh, well then have at it. :D

( Zeroes )