I realized something on my outing this evening. I suppose I've known it, but it was just one of those epiphany moments when it just hits you, and it suddenly really just makes sense. I had a $100 burning a hole in my pocket, money with which I could buy many shiny new things, and it occurred to me that I don't care. I mean, it's nice to have gotten all this new music and dvd, but it's all just filler. Doesn't mean jack. I was driving between places and it occured to me that I would trade it all for the right people. For the right person I would drop the cash and things like a hot potato.
As I sit listening to this wonderful music, I know that it's just one more thing I do to eat up my time. Tv, aside from a few good shows, games, most books, music, it's all just...filler. I love my music for the most part, but it occurs to me that these are all things I use to fill the void that good friends should be filling up. That and time I should be spending with God. It's rather depressing, understanding. Although even this amuses me, so I'm never too bad off.
It is times like this that my mind always migrates to the errant wish that I could just join a monkery somewhere. Devote my life to God and other monks and live a simple life. But as much as it is filler, I think I'd rather miss my music--I rather doubt most monasteries allow diskmans... But I don't think there is more than one or two non-catholic monasteries, and seeing as how I don't as yet know if God has called for me to lead the life of the non-married, I rather think it's not for me. Plus, unfinished business here would drive me nuts.
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