A ponderance

The greatest of all commandments, as both Moses, then later Jesus himself, said, was to love God with all one's heart, all of one's soul, and all of one's strength. This confounds me. I understand the basics of the first two really, although with such things, it is in the implementation that troubles arise. No, rather my confusion is in the last. How does one love with all of one's strength? I have vague inklings twittering on the edge of my brain, whispering this and that possibility, but nothing concrete, nothing clear. I wish, above all else, to do that which is the most important, to love God, but I know not how one goes about loving him with all of my strength.

Stupid yearbook.

I just had to go and look at my senior yearbook from high school. I was only looking for how a particular name was spelled, but found myself looking through all the old pictures of people. I miss some of those people. Just a handful really, but they were pretty cool people. High school itself sucked, of course. It was more of something I had to do without really enjoying all that terribly much. But at least I got to see people like Heather every day. I don't have that anymore. Stupid pictures making me think stuff. Also whine. Bastard book is making me whine. *shakes fist*

Thinky thoughts.

Not to be confused with kinky thoughts. I'm not the kind of person to write such things down, especially where anyone else could read them...

But I digress. Quite frequently too. Such is the nature of thought. Anyhoo, I just read a chapter from G.K. Chesterton's book on Orthodoxy, and the last paragraph really got me to thinking. Except I just forgot what it was and now have to go back and reread it.

Ah, now I remember. Chesterton's last paragraph of his chapter on optimism and pessimism is on the nature of proper optimism. That is to say, he says that when people try to get one to be optimistic anymore, it is by saying that we are a part of this world, that everything is natural. And yet, still great depression and pessimism continues. What Chesterton says of true optimism, that of christian optimism, is in the knowledge that we are, in fact, "monstrosities", as he puts it. Or as Switchfoot says in one particular song, "I don't belong here." The true joy to be found, is in the knowledge that things are, in fact, not natural at all, that things are not as they should be, and that we do not belong here as things stand.

There is a definite relief in the knowledge that the feeling of things being not quite right, or of feeling not a part of things, like the outsider in the game of life, that all these are, in truth, natural. That life is not as it should be, and that the feeling of being left out, or not right, or a simple lack, is exactly how it really is. When one is told that we are simply not fitting in to the natural order of things, despair is the result, knowing that one can hardly ever accomplish this fitting in with what seems off or different. But there is a freedom in knowing that no, things do not indeed fit as we feel they ought.

I find this quite interesting to think on.