Journal thoughts

[kryptonitemonkey]

Lacunae perhaps? I wonder what it is about online journals that so many people give up on them, and so quickly at that. I've been using mine, first on livejournal, then here, since what, 2002-ish? But not a single one of the other journals I've friended or followed over the years kept with it. Many lasted less than a year; most, come to think of it. I guess I feel like if you're going to go to all the trouble of creating something, don't let it vanish into the aether. Granted, I use this much less often than I did in the first year and have at times gone a month or three between posts, but I've never ceased.

Maybe I still use it because I don't often have a reliable outlet for my thoughts or gripes. Plus, writing my thoughts down really helps me process things. Something about being forced to slow my thinking down in order to put it on screen or paper. Plus, it's still a hell of a lot easier and quicker to write here than in the pen and paper journal I keep next to my bed and barely ever use anymore. The irony in that one is that I don't write as much in the real journal because my life is less angsty and thus needs much less expressing. I kept having days where I would just sit in bed and look at it with literally nothing new to say. Without the hormones of youth to make everything so much more momentous, I'm okay with not having as much to write about. Truth be told, I think I'm also just out of the habit. As with many endeavors, one must use it or lose it.

My writings in general tend to be lot more stream-of-conscious than I like to admit and tend to meander. But that can be good for me as well, as it means that I had much in my head that needed pondering and venting. I've always had interest in so many disparate areas and ideas that I am rarely able to sit down to commit to any one thing, and my writing shows it. The few attempts I made back in the day at writing fic (most revolving around the first few seasons of Smallville) mainly ended up being vignettes. Some people could write entire epics given the same time and topic, but I excelled in the short spurts of creativity. It's ever interesting going back to read the things I once wrote. Some make me squirm to think I actually wrote such a thing, or at its simplicity, but I am also gladdened to find as oft as nought (naught?) my work stands up.

I actually find it a tad depressing when I reread some of the funnier things I wrote, as it makes me wonder where went my whit. It's like, why am I not this funny anymore? Of course, some of that old creativity came from hormones and from some pretty major depression/anxiety, none of which I would return to in exchange. I don't know what it is about being in a funk, but it can power some pretty mighty creativity at times. I wrote so much poetry in my more hormonal, angsty moments... Ah, memories.

Comments

[sparowe]

When I first started LJ, I was much more regular about it. Then I read a Civil War diary--can't remember which one, there were so many at that time, and the woman writing it complained that all of her entries were "Me, me, me, I, I, I." All at once I became extremely self-conscious of my own journaling, and pretty much dropped everything except the daily Scripture/devotional, and that largely because I felt an obligation to keep doing it. I would make the occasional personal entry here and there, because unwanted family had joined Facebook, and sometimes I just needed a place to vent.

Honestly, if it hadn't been for becoming interested in wrestling and wanting to start writing about it (much as I already did for video games), I might never have started again. But once again, FB became the catalyst--there was a guy on there who I am friendly with about everything else, but when it came to this, loved to challenge all of my opinions. It just got tiresome, and so I started writing over here, instead.

And just wrote a book in your comments, I'm sorry. It's just something I've thought about, myself.

[kryptonitemonkey]

Isn't the main point of a diary/journal that you're putting down what goes on in your head and life? I don't think anyone can write one without it being about one's self. Sure, there can be a point where people get a narcissistic self-feeding thing with it, but I haven't seen that happen much with anyone.

And the fact that you were reading said woman's diary is proof that it's what many of us want; it is, in short, a portal into another's life and way of thinking. It is a means both for us all to vent and ponder on things, as well as a means for others to better understand us, should they so choose.

[sparowe]

Oh, very true. It just made a significant impact on me at the time. There's always a part of me that feels like... who could possibly care about what I have to say, why would anyone be care about what I think or feel about anything? (This is often exacerbated by a slowly dying platform; lack of comments can be be perceived as lack of interest when you're feeling low. These days, realistically, I just have niche hobbies. LOL)

I do miss the engagement of the early days, but I also like having a place to write without judgement. And even if no one were to care what I'm saying, it's sometimes helpful to have a place to sort it all out--be it family issues or storylines. So I'm sticking around awhile, at this point quite possibly until they turn the lights off. I mean at this point, it's been 14 years, so. :)

[kryptonitemonkey]

It makes me wonder if journaling in general is slowly dying. What with so much to constantly distract us and fill our time, how many people are willing to sit down and write? First we had blogs, then we had twitter for those who thought that was too long, and then we got the likes of snapchat. At least Vines didn't last too long... People seem to go to video anymore to say what's going on, so maybe it's still there, just in another format. I keep thinking of the captain's log in all the various Star Treks. I know a lot of us can't stand to hear ourselves talk though, so maybe once speech to text gets a little more nuanced.

[sparowe]

I think you raise a good point about video. Even professional blogs are starting to move more to video; people prefer to watch. Things like Let's Plays and Twitch make me think that people are still interested in the lives of others, or experiencing things vicariously.

Twitter, though... I honestly never thought of it as comparable to journaling or blogging, but maybe that's why I like it better than most people seem to. I never viewed it as a wall of Facebook statues; instead, I'd follow writers or news sites, people and places that turn it into a news aggregate. It takes some work to get the curation just right, but is a valuable source once done. Honestly, most of my social media is between there and reddit. Which confirms, at least, that I consider my journaling/blogging a more private affair!