![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So I have this friend. Met her back when I lived in Colorado. She was always a bit quiet and subdued, with a hell of a cynical, sarcastic tongue when she did speak. She and I both tended to be on the outskirts of the group we frequented. She was a bit harsh, but I liked her. Still do. But here's the thing. Girl has the biggest chip on her shoulder you've ever seen. She has had a very difficult life, and there's no denying that she has had a lot of shit happen to her. It's like she has a cosmic kick me sign on her back. She had a boyfriend break up with her while she was in the hospital for an injury (knowing that she already had some issues with feeling unwanted); she has had an increasingly epic history of health problems, like crippling pains, messed up muscles and joints, and now something slowing blinding her; she's even had therapists blame her for things that were clearly not hers; she now has to sue the doctors who told her something would improve, but instead made it worse; add to all that, she is of Indian (dot kind) decent with very dark skin, and has many extremely racist issues over the years, living in a predominantly white, well-to-do city.
All that to say, she's somewhat earned a chip on her shoulder. That said, over the years talking with her, I've started noticing a few things that seem off. She definitely has a victim complex, that's for certain. I would say it's a bit earned, but it definitely makes everything worse for her. When you see only the worst of everything, and think everyone is going to betray you, you're going to make it happen. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Speaking to a friend who knew her (back before she felt somehow shunned and left that group forever), she tends to overdo how she takes things. Whenever she speaks with me, I hear so many times how something horrible happened and how she had to leave forever. As has been said before, if everyone else is always wrong, it's probably you. But here's the thing, when I said she has some cosmic kick me sign, I'm not really joking. Honestly, I think that while she likes the attention she gets from her terrible situation (not that I can ever tell her that), I do think that she is under constant spiritual attack.
One question I keep asking myself every time I've spoken with her is how much does invite upon herself. She has an incredibly negative attitude, and I feel for her, but I know from experience that it's super not healthy, even one's actual health. Of course, my experience also leaves me knowing that it's incredibly difficult to get out of that place without something major helping you out of it. In my case, it was God, medication, and counseling. But I know all of those are difficult for her. She has odd reactions to medications, she's had some effed up counselors that make her cagey of them, and most of these groups that have wounded her (both legitimately, and inflated on her part) have been Christians. She doesn't much believe in God, in part because her life is so rough. Doesn't mean he can't knock on her door, but she may not listen or open. Either way, on top of her attitude, I'm not sure how to get her spiritual help for what is a clear and constant attack on her life on every front.
Also, girl is incredibly draining. Even talking for a few minutes with her is an incredibly emotionally draining experience. I want so much to help her, but she is almost a definition of toxic, but I care and want to see her live a life of joy. Somehow she still speaks with me, even though she sooner or later takes offense, and has at least once before with me. But I have to walk on egg shells, and even then she is touchy. She has bought the idea of systemic racism and micro-aggressions, all of that, and she sees oppression everywhere keeping her down. I want her to fight. I want to see her look all that shit in the eye, grin, and go at it. The best, most epic stories are those where a person overcomes the worst things. The stronger the struggle, the more epic the win. I want her to win. But she won't the way she's going, and I can only pray she will change.
All that to say, she's somewhat earned a chip on her shoulder. That said, over the years talking with her, I've started noticing a few things that seem off. She definitely has a victim complex, that's for certain. I would say it's a bit earned, but it definitely makes everything worse for her. When you see only the worst of everything, and think everyone is going to betray you, you're going to make it happen. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Speaking to a friend who knew her (back before she felt somehow shunned and left that group forever), she tends to overdo how she takes things. Whenever she speaks with me, I hear so many times how something horrible happened and how she had to leave forever. As has been said before, if everyone else is always wrong, it's probably you. But here's the thing, when I said she has some cosmic kick me sign, I'm not really joking. Honestly, I think that while she likes the attention she gets from her terrible situation (not that I can ever tell her that), I do think that she is under constant spiritual attack.
One question I keep asking myself every time I've spoken with her is how much does invite upon herself. She has an incredibly negative attitude, and I feel for her, but I know from experience that it's super not healthy, even one's actual health. Of course, my experience also leaves me knowing that it's incredibly difficult to get out of that place without something major helping you out of it. In my case, it was God, medication, and counseling. But I know all of those are difficult for her. She has odd reactions to medications, she's had some effed up counselors that make her cagey of them, and most of these groups that have wounded her (both legitimately, and inflated on her part) have been Christians. She doesn't much believe in God, in part because her life is so rough. Doesn't mean he can't knock on her door, but she may not listen or open. Either way, on top of her attitude, I'm not sure how to get her spiritual help for what is a clear and constant attack on her life on every front.
Also, girl is incredibly draining. Even talking for a few minutes with her is an incredibly emotionally draining experience. I want so much to help her, but she is almost a definition of toxic, but I care and want to see her live a life of joy. Somehow she still speaks with me, even though she sooner or later takes offense, and has at least once before with me. But I have to walk on egg shells, and even then she is touchy. She has bought the idea of systemic racism and micro-aggressions, all of that, and she sees oppression everywhere keeping her down. I want her to fight. I want to see her look all that shit in the eye, grin, and go at it. The best, most epic stories are those where a person overcomes the worst things. The stronger the struggle, the more epic the win. I want her to win. But she won't the way she's going, and I can only pray she will change.
