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While my housing situation is now fine, my work and romantic life have gone to hell. I'm rather regretting giving even two weeks, honestly. Not that I'm being treated poorly or anything, but it just seems to be dragging now, and that's to say nothing of the INCREDIBLY awkwardness that has suddenly arisen. Cliff notes version, one of my coworkers (not a superior or anything like that) and I have been texting back and forth for several months now. I've made my interest in her obvious, and while I was flirty, I don't think I ever fell into anything inappropriate. Heck, I tended to tell my mom later on each time I got the chance, to run things past her. Girl has had a lot of hurt in her life and while shy seemed to respond to my various communications. I'd send her funny videos, or say uplifting things randomly. I even gave her numerous, easy outs, letting her know that if ever I got over-effusive or ever stepped over any line for her, she was to just tell me. Once I basically told her to tell me to shut up if she needed to and I would take no offense. Not once did she take the out, and several times let me know that I hadn't stepped on any toes or anything.
Then I had to go and tell her that I really liked her. She knew, of course, but while she didn't think she and I were on the same path, as she put it, she assured me that I was okay. I informed her very clearly that while I still thought she might be the one for me, I would not in any way attempt to force anything, basically leaving anything in the future up to her. I told her I would still try to encourage her, as she is often down and sad and seemed to appreciate words of encouragement. So imagine my surprise when, yesterday morning, seeing as how we were busy, I sent a text telling her to hang in there, only to have my boss stop by a little while later to tell me that me texting her at work was incredibly inappropriate and that I had made her feel awkward. I didn't bring up that people at work often message each other, boss included, nor the fact that the she and I had been in conversation for months. More than anything, I was a massive mixture of shame, awkwardness, and feeling betrayed. My boss said that had I not just put in my two weeks, I would have been let go right there. I understand how charged workplace harassment stuff is, but considering how chaste our conversations have been, with nary as much as an innuendo involved, I feel it unnecessarily harsh. I followed up with my boss later, saying how terrible I felt about it and that if she needed me to go, I could skip the two weeks, but she said she had talked to the woman and she was fine with me sticking around, so I think my boss realized it wasn't as crazy as all that.
Still, it felt like such a punch in the gut. I've been seriously interested in this woman since I met her, and have done my best to give her space and not come on too strong or try to force anything. She clearly responded to some degree and never took any of the easy outs that I offered her, only to suddenly feel the need to get an intermediary involved (potentially getting me fired, no less) rocked me. She and I have studiously avoided each other since. She avoids my gaze, as I do hers, and she sometimes has a look on her face either of guilt, or like she expects me to scold her. Maybe both, I dunno. It just hurts to have it done to me in such an indirectly direct fashion. All she had to say was no, or I feel uncomfortable, and she knew that. I'm still not sure whether I'm more angry at her for not even telling me, just getting me straight up in trouble, or that somehow I made her feel like she had to do it that way. Truth is, I have no way of knowing her reasoning, and I certainly cannot ask her now. I dare not give even a whiff of impropriety. I find it so odd that the last two texts I sent her were so incongruous with the response. The first was simply mentioning that our schedule that day was packed and, a little later, for her to hang in there. Sappy poetry, love songs, comparing her to something or other, or insisting on anything really, those I could understand.
I tend to be incredibly introspective at times, and nothing makes it worse than uncertainty. I don't think I was overbearing or creepy or anything, especially since she continued to text with me for hours after telling her how I felt. I don't think I did, but the sudden severe response makes me question everything. So I am just filled with a mélange of emotions: anger, guilt, sadness, awkwardness, fear/dread, heartbreak...
Then I had to go and tell her that I really liked her. She knew, of course, but while she didn't think she and I were on the same path, as she put it, she assured me that I was okay. I informed her very clearly that while I still thought she might be the one for me, I would not in any way attempt to force anything, basically leaving anything in the future up to her. I told her I would still try to encourage her, as she is often down and sad and seemed to appreciate words of encouragement. So imagine my surprise when, yesterday morning, seeing as how we were busy, I sent a text telling her to hang in there, only to have my boss stop by a little while later to tell me that me texting her at work was incredibly inappropriate and that I had made her feel awkward. I didn't bring up that people at work often message each other, boss included, nor the fact that the she and I had been in conversation for months. More than anything, I was a massive mixture of shame, awkwardness, and feeling betrayed. My boss said that had I not just put in my two weeks, I would have been let go right there. I understand how charged workplace harassment stuff is, but considering how chaste our conversations have been, with nary as much as an innuendo involved, I feel it unnecessarily harsh. I followed up with my boss later, saying how terrible I felt about it and that if she needed me to go, I could skip the two weeks, but she said she had talked to the woman and she was fine with me sticking around, so I think my boss realized it wasn't as crazy as all that.
Still, it felt like such a punch in the gut. I've been seriously interested in this woman since I met her, and have done my best to give her space and not come on too strong or try to force anything. She clearly responded to some degree and never took any of the easy outs that I offered her, only to suddenly feel the need to get an intermediary involved (potentially getting me fired, no less) rocked me. She and I have studiously avoided each other since. She avoids my gaze, as I do hers, and she sometimes has a look on her face either of guilt, or like she expects me to scold her. Maybe both, I dunno. It just hurts to have it done to me in such an indirectly direct fashion. All she had to say was no, or I feel uncomfortable, and she knew that. I'm still not sure whether I'm more angry at her for not even telling me, just getting me straight up in trouble, or that somehow I made her feel like she had to do it that way. Truth is, I have no way of knowing her reasoning, and I certainly cannot ask her now. I dare not give even a whiff of impropriety. I find it so odd that the last two texts I sent her were so incongruous with the response. The first was simply mentioning that our schedule that day was packed and, a little later, for her to hang in there. Sappy poetry, love songs, comparing her to something or other, or insisting on anything really, those I could understand.
I tend to be incredibly introspective at times, and nothing makes it worse than uncertainty. I don't think I was overbearing or creepy or anything, especially since she continued to text with me for hours after telling her how I felt. I don't think I did, but the sudden severe response makes me question everything. So I am just filled with a mélange of emotions: anger, guilt, sadness, awkwardness, fear/dread, heartbreak...
